21 year old living in small town in the middle of America. Geek loves include Doctor Who, Sherlock, Sailor Moon, Marvel comics and retro video games.

 

The Fault In Our Stars by John Green (Page 280)

Hazel: Touch the cave wall.

Computer: You touch the cave wall. It is moist.

Isaac: Lick the cave wall.

Computer: I do not understand. Repeat?

Hazel: Hump the moist cave wall.

Computer: You attempt to jump. You hit your head.

Isaac: Not jump. HUMP.

Computer: I don't understand.

Isaac: Dude, I've been alone in the dark in this cave for weeks and I need some relief. HUMP THE CAVE WALL.

Computer: You attempt to ju-

Hazel: Thrust pelvis against the cave wall.

Computer: I do not-

Isaac: Make sweet love to the cave.

Computer: I do not-

Hazel: FINE. Follow left branch.

Computer: You follow the left branch. The passage narrows.

Hazel: Crawl.

Computer: You crawl for one hundred yards. The passage narrows.

Hazel: Snake crawl.

Computer: You snake crawl for thirty yards. A trickle of water runs down your body. You reach a small mound of rocks blocking your passageway.

Hazel: Can I hump the cave now?

Computer: You cannot jump without standing.

Isaac: I dislike living in a world without Augustus Waters.

COmputer: I don't understand-

Isaac: Me neither. Pause.

marcellvs:

if you wont kiss your partner after you cum in their mouth you are truly weak and natural selection is coming for you 

(Source: lotuslopez)

blunk182:

DATING TIP: Hold the door for your date. Rip the door off its hinges. Use the door as a weapon to fight off other men. Establish dominance.

kateordie:

thesignaturething:

Chris Pratt interrupts the interview to french braid intern’s hair x

This is like in the top 10 of sexiest things I’ve ever seen.

I’ve been watching this for five minutes straight, trying to understand how this girl isn’t face-flushed-toes-curling-eyes-dilating-batshit-crazy-aroused.

(Source: pinefarts)

keytotruth:

video games are a wonderful escape from reality until you see your reflection in the loading screen

djkaeru:

coelacanthteeth:

never ever apologize to me for your dog being too excited to see me

a dog could knock me to the ground and give me a black eye and I would still hug it and love it because dogs hurt because they love too much I love dogs

image

(Source: princemotorcycle)

nbcsnl:

aboveaverage:

Usher might know some Good Kissers, but nbcsnl's Jay Pharoah is here to bring the truth about Bad Kissers.

Watch his Usher parody here:

Some smelly new rhymes from Mr. Jay Pharoah!